By Juhi Bansal
Men provide, Women nurture. Men- bread winners, women- bread makers. Men- boss of the world, Women- boss of the house.
Whatever happened to “Division of Labour”? Why can’t both be both? Why do we need clear role definitions? Why can’t all of us do a little bit of everything? Lets both of us divide all responsibilities- we both provide and we both nurture.
Why should you feel guilty if the husband helps around the house? Why should his watching the baby be an occasion? Why should it be ok for him to leave the kitchen dirty after he’s cooked- why should you clean up after him? I see this happen with friends and family and it disturbs me.
All of us worked hard for our degrees and diplomas. Let us not let it wither away or put them to use only for the kid’s fancy school projects and homeworks. We are needed in the work force as much as anyone else. Mothers please stop telling yourselves you are doing it for your family. That as a woman sacrifice is your middle name.
What example are you setting for your daughter if you give up work to stay with her- that she should do it as well when the need arises? If you have a son wouldn’t he think that his wife should take a “sabbatical” because after all that’s what mothers are supposed to do.
Ofcourse, a lot of mums tell me they are doing this out of choice. That they would rather spend time with their kids, see them grow up. That is something I do not have an answer to. But, tell me honestly, doesn’t a small part of you yearn to step outside to work? To think beyond what should your family eat for dinner that night? I am in no way saying stay-at-home mums are not doing enough- my mother was one and I know it is the toughest job ever. I am just saying don’t give up on your dreams because of society decided norms.
Then there is a set who tell me that they wouldn’t earn as much as their husbands so it is a pragmatic decision for the higher earner to take the responsibility. But, is money the only motive to work? Shouldn’t all responsibilities be shouldered evenly?
I have decided to surround myself with like minded women. I am fortunate to have people in my family and at work who agree with my ideas. Who don’t think that a mother’s responsibilities are different from a father’s. I hope to create a positive world for kids and mums around me- and I don’t shy away from opining strongly if needed.
Being a feminist doesn’t mean brow-beating the men- it simply means asking for the same rights as them, asking to not be treated as second rate citizens, asking for the freedom to decide about our own lives- if you thought about it, being a feminist is actually being a humanist.
My domestic help is a mother and works very hard so she can provide for her kids. She is an inspiration. I want to be able to do that for my daughter. I don’t want her to grow up with silly notions about gender. She may be a girl but sky is the limit. I can only teach her that by setting the right example, so here I am.
Fierce feminist, working mom, proud provider and nurturer!
(Thankfully, the husband is all of the above as well!)
Wearing colours to work. Jazzing them monochomes up!
Scarf: House of SBJ
Pics: Bhavya Rathore
You’re the best Juhi. Can’t imagine anyone else with such bold views!
Thanks Bhaavya. I have been on the receiving end for a long time. I stay in a city where women are only mothers and wives. While I respect their choices in life, I definitely want more for myself.
Such an inspiring article. I quit when my daughter was born and she is 4 now. I am not even sure I ll find a job now
You took a call keeping your daughter’s need before yours. Karma pays. You may not find your dream job in the first go but give it a chance, step out!
Well said Juhi!
Thanks Maam. Btw I mean you when I say “positive people at work”!
Oh thanks Juhi! That’s nice!
wow juhi..i felt it was written for me 🙂 u r really a super star !!!!
People like you make life of a mother easier at work :). Dont forget my mithai from Agra!